fsafrina

Menengok ke belakang

2009-12-08T10:41:00.000+07:00

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I..
I took the one less traveled by..
And that has made all the difference
-Robert Frost-

Beberapa hari belakangan ini saya sedang merasa sedih dan kecewa, karena sekali lagi.. saya harus melewatkan ajang pameran “MM” di Jakarta bulan Desember ini, lengkap dengan fasilitas booth gratis dari disperindag Jatim. Kecewa rasanya.. saat kita tidak bisa mendapatkan apa-apa yang kita inginkan.. Apalagi ini adalah event yang ditunggu-tunggu oleh hampir semua perancang dan seniman perhiasan tanah air. Saya merasa seperti macan kandang multiply, yang tidak dikenal oleh siapa pun di luar multiply. Yang karirnya “mandeg” hanya di multiply dan facebook. Sama seperti jewelry artisan lain, ada keinginan untuk lebih dikenal di luaran sana. Tidak cukup rasanya buat saya, untuk hanya dikenal di kalangan wire worker Indonesia, dan para penghuni situs jejaring pertemanan multiply dan facebook. Tidak cukup juga rasanya buat saya, memiliki blog yang telah dikunjungi lebih dari 90.000 pengunjung dan memiliki beberapa klien manca negara. Saya merasa minim pengalaman yang berhubungan dengan pameran.. Dan ingin memiliki jejaring bisnis lebih luas, lebih tenar dan diakui setidaknya pada kalangan yang lebih luas lagi. Rekan bisnis saya mengatakan bahwa saya kurang niat.. karena sebenernya hanya perlu niat yang kuat untuk bisa pergi ke Jakarta dan meninggalkan anak-anak di rumah.. Toh, anak-anak itu ada yang jagain di rumah.. toh, mereka sudah cukup besar untuk bisa belajar sendiri.. Jadi sebaiknya saya harus segera mempersiapkan diri untuk bisa ikut pameran. Tapi saya tetap tidak bisa mengiyakan untuk ikut pameran… entah kenapa.. awalnya saya tidak tahu kenapa kok rasanya berat untuk bisa ikut pameran ini…pingin, tapi kok ada ganjelan…

Kekecewaan saya, membuat saya harus menengok lagi jauh kebelakang.. saat saya memutuskan untuk berhenti bekerja, justru saat saya sedang berada di puncak karir saya. Saat itu, saya sedang dalam posisi “top management” di satu perusahaan PMA di Jakarta.. Saya bertanggung jawab untuk operational bisnis perusahaan secara nasional.. Bukan posisi mudah didapat untuk seorang karyawan.. apalagi wanita.. Tapi saya memutuskan untuk berhenti. Saat itu, “keluargalah” yang menjadi alasan saya memutuskan berhenti bekerja dan memilih menjadi “ibu rumah tangga saja”. Anak-anak lelaki yang sudah mulai beranjak remaja, dan suami yang harus pindah tugas nun jauh di Banjarmasin. Jika kata ajaib “keluarga” ini telah membuat saya mengambil keputusan berhenti bekerja dua tahun yang lalu.. maka kata ajaib ini juga lah yang mebuat saya urung ikut pameran di Jakarta…Bukan hal mudah.. karena awalnya saya “lupa”… Apa yang sebenarnya alasan penting saya berhenti bekerja dulu.. dan memilih jalan “less traveled one” ini…

Wire work, memang cinta baru saya.. “teman” yang membuat hari-hari saya sebagai ibu rumah tangga jadi lebih berarti.. Saya menemukan “pengakuan” baru untuk diri saya, sebagai “seniman kawat”… saya tumbuh sebagai pribadi karena wirework, dari yang awalnya bukan siapa-siapa disana., yang gak ngerti blass tentang fotografi, yang gak bisa gambar sket.. menjadi seorang yang bisa melakukan semua itu sendiri. Dari seorang yang gak dikenal, jadi seorang yang dimintai saran dan bisa mengajar wirework mulai dari kelas basic sampai advance. Dan pada akhirnya, hobby saya ini, bisa membiayai dirinya sendiri dan bahkan memberikan uang saku tambahan buat saya.…

Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, sama seperti cinta-cinta yang lain.. kecintaan saya pada wirework ini pun akhirnya menuntut lebih banyak perhatian dan waktu dari saya.. Belakangan, dia juga menuntut komitmen lebih dalam lagi, dan bukannya sekedar hobby penambah uang saku. Tuntutannya berbanding lurus dengan ego saya sebagai pribadi, yang ingin lebih dikenal. Dan ingin lebih hebat lagi.. Saya mabok ketenaran dalam skala tertentu. Akibatnya, saya jadi lupa.. bahwa alasan saya untuk berhenti bekerja dulu adalah keluarga saya.. anak-anak yg membutuhkan saya untuk menemani mereka… Dan jika dalam perjalanan saya sebagai ibu rumah tangga, Allah memberikan wirework ini, maka “seharusnya” itu hanyalah sebagai pengisi waktu luang dan bonus untuk saya...

Ambisi pribadi membutakan saya, sehingga saya harus menengok ke belakang, mengingat lagi daftar prioritas saya… dan alasan mengapa saya memilih jalan sepi dibandingkan jalan gemerlap dalam hidup saya dulu…Jika pada akhirnya saya mampu memutuskan untuk tidak mengikuti pameran “MM”, itu karena saya memilih untuk menemani mereka berjibaku menghadapi ujian dibandingkan kesempatan memperoleh jejaring yang bisa membuat saya semakin ngetop sebagai wire jewelry artisan.. Sama seperti bait puisi Robert Frost yang saya kutip di awal tulisan saya, tampaknya saya telah memang telah memilih jalan “less traveled one… dan saya berharap.. that has made all the difference… Well, Life is always series of choice… Bagaimanapun hidup adalah pilihan yang kita buat berdasarkan prioritas, dan andalah yang menentukan prioritasnya… dan prioritas saya adalah, untuk selalu ada buat anak-anak saya di masa sulit mereka, sambil tetap bisa berwirework tanpa mengorbankan mereka lagi..

Banjarmasin, 5 Desember 2009

Twilight Saga Fenomena

2009-12-06T18:55:00.004+07:00

Have you ever heard about “Twilight”, “New Moon”, “Eclipse” and “Breaking Down”?.. I believe, most of you have heard about them. They are the title of books in “Twilight Saga”. One of the popular books and movies around the globe. But, have you ever think about.. why’s that? Why this book becomes a fenomena in almost every where? And why there are so many girls and women feel hooked by one of the characters? So let me tell you, what I’m thinking on that…

Actually, ever since I started seeing this book on the bookstore, in facebook, goodreads, the airport, and everywhere I go, actually I got curious on what is really inside the book? But let me tell u the truth! It didn’t make me purchased it.. and read it.. Honestly i don't really read book anymore lately.. seemed i have spent so much time on wireworking ** Its sooo time consumed!!***

And when there's also a first movie coming at around Nov/Dec 2008,i still had no intention to read or watch the movie... All I know was, it's kind of a romantic story.. that were discussed and watched by some of my friends in Facebook... or goodreads... and i confinced myself that it’s just a shallow teenagers roman.. defintely NOT something i used to read as an "adult" :D

Until around early January this year... i couldnt' remember the exact date... one of my best friend sent me a text..asked me to make "a bracelet like Bella"... who is Bella? hahaha... she explained a bit about the book.. and suggested me to read or watch the movie... hmm... Let me search the pdf version of the book in the net.. I’ll find out about this!... i need to know the Bella's charater though! :p

And the amazing thing was.. i have finished the 3 thick books in 3 days... and i found myself hooked by Edward cullen... hahahaha...no wonder my best friend has fallen in love with him! He is kinda man whom every woman on earth are looking for… hehehe, of course I’m not included, I’m married (what a lie!).. Well, i like this character “wink wink”.. too complicated to explain about the character and why i like it... i just advise you to read.. its not a book like "Coelho's" ( believe me, HE IS STILL MY BEST!!)... but i like these books too!! Make me feels like a younger woman.. hahaha

In general, it’s a book with a strong characters.. actually the whole story is an easy reading one.. but it explained vividly about the beauties and the bitter side of love. How the feelings flown.. the up and down of a forbidden love. The most attractive thing is the perfect character of male vampire, Edward Cullen, GOSH!! He is a vampire for God sake.. but still, we (read:women) feel like he is the most perfect man ever! While the female character, named Bella, represents us… a common woman… with a common beauty.. like a cinderella story that we always love since we’re a kid.. this is another story of cinderalla in millennium era.. Stephanie Meyer has smartly elaborated the dream of every woman.. crossing all the impossible.. and successfully turned a creepy picture of vampire from Bram Stokers to the picture of perfect man (read: vampire) from her imagination. Unbelievable, how easy for her to change our way of thinking about vampire!! From frightening to falling in love.. and made us dreaming to be “Bella”.. This extra ordinary story is the magnet to its readers.. and it has made all the difference..

So I think, it explained why this fenomena happend! Like in a universal law, it’s a man who attract woman… And I think “this Edward thing” has made so many girls and women here right now to “meet” him… hehehe.. And like the other story about forbidden love, they are so interesting to follow! And a love of human girl to a handsome, wealthy, kind and gentle vampire are even more interesting!! And the last, I think it’s also explained why I’m now in line to buy the ticket for the movie in cinema together with all of those teenagers Hahaha…WHAT A PHENOMENON!!

I still love her

2009-06-11T16:22:00.004+07:00

I still love her.. many years have passed
he sighed and looking thru the glass window
Sipping a black sugarless coffee that he loves the bitter taste
The smell intoxicated his brain

I still love her and it cursed me forever
His mind flooded with with her pictures, her scent...
he lost his sanity

I still love her
in the peace solitude and stillness of the morning
In the secret place called sleep.... i searched your shades in the darkness

I still love her... it filled up my memory..
continuosly... as the stars that shine and twinkle on the milky way
The pictures stretched in never ending line...
I'm tired!

Her dark hair, the velvet nite
Her blushing cheeks, fresh baked bread
But it was just her face that he could tell..
The rest of her is ecstacies!

he smiled n sipped his coffee..
Old pictures of pleasures and history of pains
Mingled in his crowded mind...

I still love her...
He shouted in silent.. and hit the wall
Pain coilled in his memories

I still love her
as you are a home for my soul
Every moment of my life...
The first thought of my new day..
The last shadow before my eyes closed upon my pillow
It is you... oh woman of love... I still love her!

Domestic Goddes!

2009-05-03T21:50:00.003+07:00

Domestic Goddess.. adalah istilah yang diasosiasikan dengan “dewi” dalam urusan rumah tangga… Dewi itu bisa saja seorang ibu atau bahkan PRT..

Sudah seminggu ini, saya menjadi “totally a domestic goddess”, karena pembantu dan driver yang saya bawa dari Jawa, mesti pulkam karena ortunya meninggal. Dan cari pembantu baru, bukan hal yang mudah di Banjarmasin... Tapi, ini bukan yang pertama kali buat saya… Saat pertama kali pindah ke Banjarmasin, saya juga sempat menjadi totally a domestic goddess… Dan kalau saya membayangkan kembali saat-saat itu… WOW!! It’s not easy… anak-anak yang belum menyesuaikan diri, rumah dinas super besar, dengan rumput yang cepet tinggi, bahkan saking cepatnya.. rasanya baru beberapa hari yang lalu saya dengar mesin rumput menderu, hari ini mesti menderu lagi..

Tapi, kali ini beda!! Being a domestic Goddess… It's not anymore a bad and scarry thing for me… Jadwal saya padat… nyiapin sarapan, bersih2 rumah sambil ngurusin laundry.. masak.. dan tentu saja antar jemput anak-anak…Pokoknya, semua tugas rumah tangga.. kecuali… hehehe… ada satu yang saya bener-bener gak bisa… menyetrika baju!! Saya bener-bener gak betah berdiri (atau duduk) lama-lama sambil setrika.. jadi untuk urusan ini, saya setrika yang “penting-penting” aja… dan yang “urgently required” saja… :-D..hmm, saya sedang mempertimbangkan tukang setrika harian yang datang ke rumah beberapa jam setiap hari untuk setrika dan membersihkan bagian luar rumah yang jarang tersentuh… I’ll think about it…

Seminggu sudah berlalu… dan saya mulai merasa “ringan” mengerjakan semua… pagi-pagi bangun.. sholat subuh.. dan langsung beraktifitas… terussss.. sampe waktu tidur anak-anak tiba… Tapi ada satu hal yang membanggakan hati saya, membuka mata saya… anak-anak saya (2 boys)… mereka lebih mandiri… mereka menyiapkan seragam sendiri.. membersihkan meja makan dan mencuci piring sendiri.. menyiram tanaman.. membuka dan menutup pintu garasi dan pagar... dan termasuk juga mereka sekarang lebih bersabar menghadapi saya yang jadi lebih cerewet karena capek.. (hehehe.. alesan!!).. Hmm, masih ada lagi, suami saya.. selama saya menjadi “Domestic Goddess” dia tidak pernah mengijinkan saya membuka/menutupkan pagar garasi buat dia (pdhal biasanya dia tinggal klakson dan malas keluar mobil)… Dia juga sebisa mungkin berusaha menemani saya untuk makan siang di rumah, karena merasa kasihan melihat saya makan siang sendiri di rumah (untung banget tinggal di Banjarmasin…kemana-mana deket… hehehe).. Duuh, rasanya terbayar semua peluh bekerja dirumah seharian… Dan gak rugi rasanya menjadi “Real Domestic Goddess”

Orang bilang hidup memang tidak sempurna… tapi buat saya, hidup itu sempurna bahkan dalam susah dan sakitnya… Dan menjadi “Domestic Goddes”, adalah satu cara buat saya untuk melihat kesempurnaan hidup… Menjadi “Domestic Goddess” membuat mata saya merebak tangis, bukan karena capek… tapi karena melihat cinta dalam kesabaran anak-anak dan suami saya… Dan akhirnya, saya bisa melihat cinta yang Allah taburkan dalam setiap tarikan nafas saya untuk saya punguti.. dan merasakan, betapa Allah menyayangi saya, bahkan dalam sakit dan susahnya…

To remember him once more

2009-05-02T14:11:00.003+07:00

She fold her arms closed to her body.. and whisper...
So i remember you once more...
Thru the rain that pored on to my skin
thru the rain that brings back the scent of your bedroom.. sweet.. like ur smile to me
She let her mind filled with water... and tears that will bring back the memory of him
So fresh in her memory.. like it was happend yesterday

Her tears drop.. mixed with the rain on her face... salty
she sighed... the pictures dancing in her eyes
It's very human, that we always judge people severely
That's what you said once.. sadly... when i decided to leave you
The time when i felt my life less interesting
The time when i stopped noticing the marvels around me
The time when i left you

she fold her arms closed to her body... cold and wet... her body starts shaking
It was a cold and cloudy afternoon.. when we talked on the bench in front of your campus
No tears shown from me... just shadow of heartache... only you could see..
Your could hands.. hold mine... no words could explain
So fresh in her memory.. like it was happend yesterday

Now it was over... The wound passed.. but the scars remain
She touched the scars on her heart... no more pain.. just the scars
But she knows, to remember him.. she just need to touch the scars
And they will bring back the memory of him.. sweet and bitter
Like a cup of coffee that she sips every morning
So fresh in her memory.. like it was happend yesterday

-The city of thousands rivers, 2009-

Giving the best shot

2007-07-22T18:24:00.000+07:00

My Hb has a new assignment from his office.. and cos of that.. we must move to a new place shortly... Someone asked me... "do i really want it?? (to follow him to the new place with the kids, and stop working)... Honestly, i can not answer that... cos, its not about something i want or i dont want... but its more to giving the best to my family.. and keeping the commitment...

I know, it somehow seems scarry... to be "just a housewife" one... and if you have 8 digits salary.. it will make you more scarry (theoritically...). But i've prepared myself to it... i know, it could be better or worse... but i will still keep my commitment, as i should do... and i have to give the best to my family... if it will end worse... at least i have given the best shot...

No need to feel scarry... cos if you have given the best... whatever the future will give you... its a destiny... Just keep giving the best shot in life...

New Site for myself

2007-02-08T15:47:00.001+07:00

Today, i have signed up and created a new site for myself... hmmm, its a bit different with what i have had here.. Its not about my thoughts on s'thing or my daily life.. Its about my "creative products"....

As i have decided to stop working... maybe its time for me to start s'thing new.. to open a new world where i never visited. Something that however, make me a bit nervous... and excited at the same time..

For years.. i've been a working mom... and have financial freedom on purcasing somethings... but soon it will change.. I really hope that i will have a job that combined pleasure and bussiness... and at the same time give me freedom in time management.. WHOOOAAA... hahaha.. sounds impossible huh?? Let's just face it!

If you have time, you might visit my http://fsafrina.multiply.com ... c u there!

I'm lucky.. i feel.. i'm lucky

2006-11-13T14:45:00.000+07:00

Yeah... i feel so lucky... i can choose whether i want to work or stop working... its just a matter of choosing "the right" decision... but still.. I'm lucky.. i'm free to choose...

I realize.. that the most important thing for my family is... my happines... cos my happines will brighten my family... whatever my decision will be... i must consider... which choice that can make more happy... and i've found that... dropping my current (new) position will make me happy... will make my kids.. happy....

Some ppl said that i have sacrificed myself... but i don't see that sacrifice is bad thing.. sometime we must do it... cos of love.. no one to blame... its pure my decision... and if i found this decision is wrong someday... this decision is not s'thing to blame... Things change.. manythings happenned... good or bad...

So what ever it will be... i'll try to be brave enough to face it... Life is like riding a roller coaster.. and God is the mechanic... it will go up and down... but it will stop eventually.. and it will not harm you... or at least it will not harm me.. cos i trust the Mechanic so badly....

resignation letter

2006-11-06T12:27:00.000+07:00

Yeah.. i have finally submitted my resignation letter...I have finally taken a decision.. which one i choose to be.. " working mom and stay at home mom".. I fully realize.. that both have their consequencies.. both have their own goods and bads... its just a matter of choice...

One thing that i know very well is.. i'm in the situation that i don't like (in my new position).. and can't stop complaining about it.. don't take it wrong.. i'm in a very good position.. am a National Operation Manager... but this position requires me to travel a lot.. and leaving my family back home.. maybe for any other woman... its ok.. but its not ok with me...

I miss the evening time that i used to spend with the kids.. i missed to study together with them.. i miss their laughter... they are the source of energy that God gives to me... Away from them.. make me misurable.. :-( and it affect my work here and there... it affect to my performance at work.. it affect my mood... and make me.. "can't stop complaining"... but to stop working... somehow.. make me scare... being dependent to my husband.. and having idle times at home while the kids are at school.. scared me.. but i know.. i need to choose... so for at least this 6 months... i have my own battle... which decision i have to make..

So today, i have made my decisions... i'll travel to head office tomorrow.. and i bring my resignation letter.. together with the plan for my replacement...

Well, my decision.. however.. could be a start of s'thing good... or s'thing bad... it could be right or wrong... but whatever it wil be... I believe... its the best for me... :-)

Hectic Day

2006-10-31T16:40:00.000+07:00

Today was a hectic day... hmm... but i must always have time for this blog.. ;-)

The company plans to take over inventory... personally i'm not sure it will be good.. or maybe its good.. but it must be managed well.. the preparation.. the rules.. the SOP... the PiCs...all must be prepared well.. otherwise.. we will just get problems later.. So that's why i'll go home a 'lil bit late today..

Meanwhile, i'm still being busy with the 2007 budget... there are some mistakes to be corrected for next year budget. Like the frequency for DC transfer sby - bali.. i just budgeted for 22 times this year.. in actual it reached 28 times in July.

The kids are going to stay overnight at their grandma's home... cos today they will celebrate nayla's b'day... Life is really tough for my sister.. :-(

I've read some more pages of "For one more day".. Its a book about the love of a mother... its about a man who gets a chance to spend "one more day" with his mother who has died 8 years earlier. He was supposed to be with his mother the day she died, and he still harbors guilt over the fact that he wasn't.

Basically this book is an "easy to read" book.. and a quick.. n inspirational read... Thats somethin i need at this moment... something easy for my busy days... :-D

Everyday is a new day

2006-10-30T11:31:00.000+07:00

Some people said that life is like a river.. and we never pass the same place twice.. there is always something new.. everyday in our life.

I'm preparing a year 2007 budget for our Distribution center nationally.. its pretty tough!.. and it must be submitted on Nov 16.. to the DC managers so they can review and give me feedback for the budget at the latest on Nov 24. And on Nov 27, i'll present my national budget to the top management..

My schedule is very tight for this month.. budgeting, reporting, and i will have my first performance review for this new position...

I have a new book to read.. " For one more day" from mitch Albom.. i have read some pages.. it looks interesting as his other book.. one of my favorite is "tuesdays with Morrie"... its really touching me.. deeply in my heart..

Well, maybe i can tell you about that book later.. after i finished it.. it may take for a while to read while you are in a "busy mode"... hmmm ;-)

Today, i experienced "a new feeling".. in facing my day at the office.. and it made me realize that.. no matter how bored your life is.. if you really see and observe your day.. you will find that.. there is no same day.. there is always something new... there is always a new number.. a new response from the same people you meet.. the new clouds on the sky.. even its the same sky and the same sun... there is always something new.. :-)

Have a nice day to all of you...

Am back again

2006-10-27T10:00:00.000+07:00

Hi.. am back.. its been more than 1 century.. hehe.. its been a very long time from my last journal.. I'm pretty busy lately.. so many things have changed in my life.. and it needs me to adapt with them...

I've had my hard times at work... i must travel alot.. and i also found new hobbies... yeah.. i just found that i like "jewelry making" and baking alot... surpising me... and this jewelry making.. has given me some money.. yeah i sold some of my stuffs...

Actually, everything is going well.. pretty tough.. but good enough... and i still believe... that

WHAT EVER MY LIVE GIVES ME... ITS ALWAYS THE BEST FOR ME.. and i must THANK to GOD.. who has made me survived so far...

what God wants us to see?

2004-08-02T17:13:00.000+07:00

That's the question that i have when i have watched "the passion of the Christ"... its a GOOD movie...even am not christian... its really a touching movie... and i am amazed by the fact that Jeshua's kindness and love... must be ended with that kinda tragedy in human race ever... the crucifiction.. blood... cruelties... Its very shocking me...

And thats why come to my mind a question... "what God wants us to see?" that story as a part of the scenario of life since Adam to today's life... What is all behind that? Its still remained a question.. i can not answer it...

And i am trying to sutdy the answer... i know, it perhaps can satisfy my question... but at least i am trying...

unknown errors of my life

2004-07-23T08:24:00.000+07:00

actually "unknown errors of my life" is a tittle of a book... one of my favourites :-) but i think, we always.. everyday... have a possibility for doing our own.. unknown errors of our life... Something that might make us suffer in the future.. or hurt other people or maybe could make other ppl suffer too.. But, not all people realize that.. unknown errors are exist in our life... everyday.. every hour and minute... the possibility for it is open.. wide...

Today, i am preparing a reconciliation of advances for 2003-2004... yeah, i must admitt our accounting is very poor... no adequate supervision.. not enough knowledge in the new system.. During the process of reconciliation i found that... pak Rickey... for years.. has been doing his own unknown errors of his life... because i was in F&A before... i must responsible for that too.. and at the end... i also found my unknown errors that i did years ago..

Its pretty tough.. its about money.. Thanks God for saving me from stealing... but still, this situation makes me.. worry...

Finally.. i only can pray... MAY GOD BLESS ME... :-)

no tittle

2004-07-20T21:00:00.000+07:00

This is my journal of life.. where i put the daily splitting headaches, heartaches as well as joyful and heartwarming situations in my life.. Life is not easy, its never been... i dont expect for happiness everafter like in cinderella's story :-) I know, that sometimes i will meet rainbow and the other day i will meet thunder.. i fully realize that.. but, still... i need something to express the feeling inside.. something won't tell my secret.. something won't break the promise...

Today is July 19, 2004.... its when.. i need to do reconciliation for F&A.. and running the operation for the same time... we don't have money for delivery tomorrow.. my truck is broken in mojokerto (small town near Surabaya). God!! Thanks for giving me a "good" boss...

I know, its time to ruffles some feathers.. to kick some arses... i am having hard times... and this cooperative, understanding Boss.. however, becomes one of the catalysts of my optimism..

Finally, at the end of this working day.. (pssst, its around 9.30pm already) i can finish the reconciliation from Jun-April 2004... Thanks God again for giving me staffs who are willing to work under pressure... without complaining.. yeah, sometimes they will find me stubborn :p hahaha....